Things that you would have learned this week if you were me...

Long time, no blog!

It's been a pretty intense couple of weeks. I have been working 40+ hours at one job, and 20+ at another. According to my math, that means that I've been averaging anywhere from 60-70 hours a week since I started the new job. You would think that this means that I don't have time to do much learning, and you're probably right, but these are just a few of the many discoveries you would have made if you were living my life this week:

1) You can do anything for a month or two, so long as there is an end in sight.

Working two jobs is positively exhausting, especially because I've been picking up extra hours at both in order to try to cover the expenses incurred while not working enough through most of the summer and fall, as well as the impending holidays. That being said, I'm pushing through and doing it with the best attitude possible with the knowledge that eventually I won't have to do this any more.

2) When people tell you the life you live is not conducive to a canine pet, they're probably right.

I love my dog and y'all know this, but so help me, if I didn't have a dog walker a couple of days a week, I would be screwed. She is a high energy dog and all of my energy is getting eaten up by the extra hours I've been working.

3) Good girlfriends are hard to find, but totally worth the wait!

It's funny, I've never been one to have girlfriends. I guess I've always just been a little course. That being said, I have unexpectedly found a couple of awesome girls who have crazy schedules like mine, who get that instead of spending a day mall-hopping or pub-crawling, maybe a night at home with some knitting and a movie is just the ticket.

These couple of girls are pretty amazing, both holding down 2 jobs or a job + school and some serious family commitments, and both come from backgrounds similar to mine, which means that we have a lot in common on all levels. None of us expected to find good friends at a part time job, but we did and for that I'm immensely grateful.

4) Most girl-on-girl hate and frustration comes from a lack of maturity.

Girls are talented when it comes to undermining the confidence of other women. Most of us are damaged in one way or another, and we recognize it in other women, and when dealing with each other it is really easy to make another girl feel about two inches tall using that small crack for leverage.

Women of a certain maturity level don't participate in this kind of behaviour, but some do, and it doesn't matter how grown up you are, when someone decides to play this kind of game, or use this kind of psychological-warfare-like tactic, it takes a strong woman to not fall victim to it.

5) As a society, we often fix things that aren't broken, and we should really stop it.

I'm all for progress, please don't get me wrong. I just think that certain things were fine the way they were. Sure, I could buy a sweater at a store, but then I've deprived someone I love (or myself) of the time to sit and knit (see: meditate) at the end of the day and make something truly beautiful. I've also deprived a LYS (Little Yarn Shop) of the business for the wool, and the artisan dyer as well. I'm really starting to be concerned about the global impact of these huge companies like Walmart and Target on not only the local economy, but also the creativity in our society.

Broad strokes here, folks. I'm really doing my best to hold my world together, but my perspective on the small things is changing in big ways, and it's forcing me to re-evaluate my focus. This whole extraordinary life thing... I'm working on it, but with that change in focus, comes a lot of reevaluation to be done, and changes to be made.

Patience. I think I need to work on patience.

The things we don't talk about

As women we don't talk about a lot of things in our life. We dig deep, declare our broad shoulders, and cover up the things that we don't want the world to see. We discuss things that are only considered civilized, appropriate and polite, and this is our downfall.

I grew up in a family where there were things you just didn't discuss, such as money, religion and politics, but also a lot of things that maybe we should have talked about. I sometimes wonder if I would be a different person if we had talked about sex, about sexuality, about relationships with men, with food and body image. The amount of conscious effort that it takes for me to not focus solely on these things in day to day life is absolutely exhausting.

Please don't get me wrong. This isn't a pity party for myself, but for a society of women who hold it together despite the internal monologue that must be going through their heads. It can't be just me.

I know that some of us were raised with great body images, a healthy relationship with food, an understanding of relationships and sex and all of that, but I would be willing to place money on the fact that those are few and far between. I would bet that the greater majority of us appear to be solid as a rock, but that underneath all of that is a little girl, cowering in the corner and wondering what will become of us.

Behind all the professionalism that everyone sees, there is a girl who worries every day about ever calorie of food that crosses her lips to the point that in her twenties she develops a severe eating disorder, with no regard for the fact that the typical eating disorder appears in the teen years, because she feels so out of control. She feels like a failure every day that the scale climbs, or stays the same. She measures her worth by the size of her jeans.

Behind the soccer mom who is taking amazing care of her children, and holding the family together is a woman who is scared every day that she won't be able to satisfy her husband, and so she goes way beyond her comfort in bed with him, just to keep him from going somewhere else. She doesn't know that she has the right to say no when something makes her uncomfortable. She pretends that she loves it, just because she loves him, and when he goes to sleep, she has a shower to wash the dirty feeling off her.

Behind the lawyer in her power suit who takes command of the room as she enters is a woman who is showing a little cleavage to "keep the old boys in line" because no one ever told her that she doesn't have to use her body to get attention, and that attention doesn't equate to respect. She laughs and flirts and seems to love her job, but she goes home every night and works out for 3 hours because she is terrified that if she loses her looks, she's lost in this job and that she'll never move forward.

Now, I'm the first to admit that we can only blame how we were raised for our problems until a certain age. At some point, we become accountable as adults for our actions, however we, as women, do ourselves a great disservice by burying these issues. We don't talk about them with our best girlfriends, our mothers, or our daughters. We take a deep breath, put on a big smile, and take on the world with our best face forward.

I'm of the belief that if we talked about these things, if we knew we were all facing them, it would help us all to find greater peace. Maybe we wouldn't make the same mistakes the next time around. Perhaps we could help each other to be stronger, more confident, to know our limits and to feel better about ourselves in general. Maybe by knowing on a personal level that our sisters, mothers, daughters and friends face the same thing it would help us to all feel a little better and stop hurting ourselves, and subjecting ourselves to unnecessary hurt because we think that we're alone.

On Mistakes, Regret and Making Amends

We all make mistakes, true story. A few months ago, I made a really big one.

I have a close friend who I was involved with many, many moons ago. We've now known each other for about 10 years, and we are very close. We talk to each other most days, and make a point of doing so. We talk about everything and we're both exceptionally sexual people, and very open minded. There isn't much in this world we haven't discussed as a possibility and when either of us is considering something new, we bounce it off the other before heading off into the wilderness with our respective partners.

He came home from school in the spring, we hung out. We talked about his girlfriend who he was breaking up with, life, him moving home this summer, and everything that we've missed in each other's lives since we've not seen each other. We had a few drinks, cooked some ribs, had a few more drinks, a girlfriend of mine showed up, we had some more drinks.

<<>>

The three of us found ourselves in bed. This wasn't anyone's first rodeo in threesome arena, so no issues that way. We had a good time.

Suddenly, a moment of clarity. He misses her. He calls her. She loses her head. It all goes downhill from there. He spends the next hour fighting and making up with her while pacing around the yard and talking on his cell phone. I am violently ill from the vat of wine that I've consumed. The second girl was laying in bed whining about me not coming to cuddle with her (not my scene.)

He sleeps in the spare room. I sleep in my room. She goes home.

The next day, I get up, he wakes up and we have a very brief conversation about the events of the previous night, none of which are very clear to any of us, and then he high tails it home. We're all feeling a little sheepish about the night's events and about things getting out of hand. I decide to give it some time.

A few days later, I see him pop online for about 10 seconds before he disappears. Strange, but I don't think much of it. Then I go to his facebook page, but we're not linked on there anymore. It dawns on me. I've been cut, and it hurts.

We don't talk for a few months, but it has been weighing on my mind. I feel like shit because things got out of hand, and now I've lost someone who was such a huge part of my life.

I am really mad at myself, I resent him for how he handled it and I feel betrayed because I thought that we had more than one mistake.

Today, I had a really shitty day, one of those days when you need the people you lean on, and who lean on you around.

So I gave in. I reached out. I sent him a text. I called him out on how he handled it, made my apologies and identified that I didn't even know if he had moved home and changed his number and I might be too late.

I sent: I doubt that this is your number anymore, but if it is, I want you to know that the whole thing was stupid and that I didn't intend for that to happen. We're all equally responsible, but I'm sorry just the same. On the other hand, disappearing like you did solves nothing. I hope the rest of your semester went well.

I didn't hear anything for a couple of hours, and I was devastated. I thought that he might still be mad, or that I really had waited too long.

My phone chirps: I handled it badly, it was a huge dick move. She lost her mind and made me erase every trace of you. I'm moving home next week, and I'd like to work it out. I would hate to lose you. She's not worth it if it costs me our relationship, but I didn't know how to reach out. I'm glad you did. I'm sorry.

On a really hard day, I stood in a park and smiled.

Moral of the story: No mistake is too big, if you're willing to take a chance, reach out, and make amends.

Day 1

1. If I were to write down a complete account of my day how would I feel about the day's events and how I lived?
   
   Well, let's see. Today was my 25th birthday. I spent most of the day on the road, from St. George, NB headed towards Halifax, NS. I certainly didn't do a whole lot in the way of changing the world but I did convince the boys that perhaps just saying thank you is not enough and that we should send a thank you card to the people that we've been staying with for the past few days. I don't think that I'll convince the boys of that in the long term but a small gesture to show gratitude for the kindness that we have received will certainly not go astray and I'm sure it will mean something to the people who receive it.
   
   All and all I am at peace with the way I've lived my life today.
   
2. How did the way I lived today bring me closer to the kind of life I aspire to live?
   
   I think that today was a lesson in gratitude for me, personally. I always try to be thankful for the obvious things and I often do it without thinking because it is programmed so deeply into who I am thanks to my family, but conscious gratitude and thankfulness is a different thing. I think that there is something to be said for actually taking the time to be thankful for things that we say "thank you" for rather than just saying it and moving on.
   
   A big part of the reason that people don't send thank you notes or even emails much anymore is because we are grateful in the moment and once that moment has passed we don't give it any further thought. I'm going to make an effort to be consciously grateful, and to take the time to actually write thank you notes in the future.
   
3. What steps did I take today off the beaten path?
   
   When I was writing these questions I didn't really give any thought to how broad of a question this is, or how open to interpretation. I could rework it so that it was a little more specific, but what would be the fun in that?
   
   Today I discovered a small restaurant east of Sussex, NB. It was called Chummley's and it had the most delicious scallops I've ever tasted. We came across it on our way towards Halifax and had dinner there for my birthday. It was absolutely delightful and I am glad that we stumbled across it.
   
4. What made today extraordinary?
   
   Today was the first time I've ever been to Nova Scotia. Although we arrived after dark it is always amazing to be in a new place and to know that great experiences are coming your way.
   
   Today was my 25th birthday. More people remembered than I expected would, and that made me pretty happy. It's always nice to feel the love on your birthday.

More from the East Coast of Canada

Well, I have been on this road trip of the East Coast for 8 days now and I thought I would give you the highlights.

Thus far we have seen:

Riviere-Du-Loup, PQ - We missed the show here because of car trouble :(

Grand Falls, NB - Stopped here at a Walmart to pick up some groceries and get our bearings.

Plaster Rock, NB - Rocked out and had a great night in a hotel here. The owners were amazing and breakfast was great. I highly reccomend checking out this tiny town, and we hear that Pond Hockey is all the rage here in the winter thanks to Don Cherry.

St. John, NB - Great show here at a bar called Cougar's Lounge. It was a tiny venue, and The DGB stopped in for an open mic night. We enjoyed $23 Gallon Pitchers and the guys ended up rocking out on a stage in a park at 4:00 a.m. until the police showed up. They were super nice about it and we went back to the van and laughed until the sun was starting to show.

Black Beach, NB - Tiny little beach in the middle of nowhere, on the Bay of Fundy. Played some football on the beach and ate some lunch. The locals thought we were crazy and the water was freezing but it was a great time!

Blacks Harbour, NB - Dropped into a random bar on our day off, where the boys did an impromtu performance and sold a stack of CDs, and we drank a lot of rounds of free shots. We were going to leave and the bartender thought we needed drinks for the road, but of course she can't sell them to us, so she gave us a case out of her car! We ended up sitting in the harbour watching the tide with a guy from Halifax, and he crashed in the van at the end of the night with us.

Fredericton, NB
- Had a great time here. The show was an open mic again at the Capitol. We ended up staying at Catherine's house (yup, we just met her) She looked after us well though. Gave us a place to crash and an amazing breakfast. We basically <3 her. :D Miramachi, NB - The DGB played a show at O'Donoghues, which is a 175 year old bar in the Irish Capital of Canada. It was a very cool and the panfried fish and chips was absolutely amazing. I turned in for an early night because I'm a party pooper like that sometimes. I was exhausted, but woke up refreshed for our next day in Moncton.


Parlee Beach, NB - Stopped in for a dip in the ocean. Probably the most beautiful beach I have ever seen and we enjoyed the shallows before venturing out for a proper swim. The boys played football in the ocean again while we all dodged the jellyfish. I didn't even know we had these in Canada but they were plentiful and very cool to look at.

Moncton, NB - had a great time in Moncton. The boys did a show there and it was fantastic as always. Interesting characters and invites to crash, but we decided that we were safest in the van with the door locked.

St. George, NB - Stopped in to see Jamie's family where we'll be staying for the next couple of days. They're about the sweetest people you'd ever want to meet and have beds and burgers ready for us upon our return.

St. Andrews, NB - the boys are currently playing a set at The Red Herring and I'm writing this. Sounds great, and I'm thinking that we're going to have to come here for some dinner tomorrow too. $7.99 lobster dinner just haulled in off a boat is too good to pass up I think.


Clearly, that's a lot of travelling for 8 days! Not only have we seen these places, but everywhere in between because the guys I'm travelling with have tour dates for their band booked in no particular order all over New Brunswick and Nova Scotia, and then back to Quebec!

The cool thing about this trip is that we're not doing the Mapquest and go directions. We are actually using maps and atlases to find our way, picking out random destinations along the way and attempting to stick towards the coastline whenever possible. As four kids from the interior of Canada, any occasion to breath in salt air is a good excuse.

The people out here truly are as hospitable and welcoming as you hear. I could hardly believe it. The guys are being absolutely fantastic about me tagging along with them and it's been a hell of an amazing vacation for me, and about as cheap as a vacation could come.

On the road again

Well... I'm at it again. I've jumped into another crazy adventure without thinking it through and have found myself touring the east coast of Canada with a friend's band.

So, in the past few days I've seen Grand Falls, Plaster Rock, St. John, Blacks Beach, Black Harbour and Fredericton. It's been absolutely beautiful and the randomness has been astounding. We've had car troubles, bar troubles, and just about every other type of troubles you could think of but it has been fantastic overall.

I'm really enjoying the whole experience, and we're here until June 28th so I expect to see a fair bit more of the country. The one thing I can tell you about it, after being here is that we don't appreciate what we have. Specifically, I don't appreciate what I have. The world is beautiful, Canada especially. Some of the sights I have seen make me ashamed that I went to the UK rather than exploring more of Canada.

The other side of this is that I can understand why people say you can find peace out here. There is an overwhelming stillness to the world when you're standing on the beach watching the tide.

Gotta go -- the band has a show in a few minutes. I'll write more later but I hope that you can find peace like that which I've felt in the past few days.

On Being the Other Woman - Part 1, 2 and 3

At 3:06 a.m. on April 12th, I woke up in the bed of a married man.

I am the other woman.

I could explain to you how I got here, or justify why I'm still doing it, but that's not really the point.

What you need to know is this:

His significant other isn't an anonymous girl who he has been with for a few weeks, and who he'll eventually break up with. They've been together for years, since high school in fact, and they got married this fall. She isn't someone that I've never met. We had classes together, and we had some mutual friends. We were never particularly close, but I do know who she is, and I know a few of her relatives.

He and I have a history, as something that could have been, but that never really worked out.

I was in over my head with him back then, and I am now, as well. He pushes every boundary I have, physically, mentally and emotionally. I was in a bad place when he and I started talking, in a worse place when we started hanging out, and a year later, I'm in a fantastic place. He has played a huge part in that.

We hold no illusions of grandeur when it comes to the possibility of what we are becoming something more. I don't expect that he will leave his wife, and that we'll end up together behind a white picket fence, living happily ever after.

Do you think I'm a terrible person yet?

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I could tell you about things that have happened in my past. I could tell you about having a gun held to my head by a stranger, and being told that I wasn't walking out of the room, and how I felt nothing. I could tell you about being told my whole life that I will never have children and then finding out I was pregnant by losing the baby. I could tell you about being attacked by my best friend, and having to drive 17 hours home from another city, with him in the car afterwards.

I could tell you about the most terrible year of my life and why I am that girl who can't really be held accountable for her actions as a result, but that part would be bullshit. Please know that because I'm giving you back story, does not mean that I want you to erect a cross for me to crawl up on. My history is not an excuse.

Everyone goes through terrible things. It's in the dealing and the moving on that you find your metal. I know that I can take a better beating than most people can give, and still get up and walk away after.

So, why do I do this?

Well, because I'm selfish. He gives me something that I need. Never, not for one moment, has he accepted weakness as an excuse from me. He sets the bar perpetually higher and then tells me to jump.

I do this because I give him something that he desires more than his wife. He loves his wife, of this much I am sure, but I give him things that he would never ask of her. I'm an open minded person, willing to try anything twice, and he is a dominative sadist.

So, what does that really mean?

It means that when I go to see him I must remember my place, always. It means that occasionally I end up in tears, black and blue, and sometimes I'm covered in welts. It means that he believes that that is beautiful, and that my willingness to submit makes me stronger than him.

It means that we have a "safe word" and that I have the right to use it, he trusts that I will if I ever need to, and that I have only had to use it once.

It means that I trust him unconditionally.

It means that I put my life in his hands fully, completely and without question.

I suppose that I should really tell you where this all started...



=============================================================

It began before I can remember. His family up the hill from my grandparents. I remember being a kid and driving past his house. His uncle once gave me a necklace, a big piece of tiger's eye. He told me to keep it always, because it would keep me safe. I never really knew him because of the age difference, so we'll skip ahead until Grade 9.

I was the classical awkward grade nine kid, as were all of my friends. Everyone spends those first couple of weeks trying to find their new home, and I landed firmly with the punk kids. I don't remember why I started talking to him, but I very slowly became aware of the fact that I had his attention.

The thing that sticks in my head is having a fantastic new pair of 14 hole Docs. If you've never worn them you'll not appreciate this but lacing and unlacing the traditional way, like your sneakers, is a pain. I fought with them for about two weeks before he finally stopped me and said, "You know, the boots are hot, but you're going to be so much happier if you take them off for half an hour and let me fix them up for you."

Shortly thereafter, I'm running to geography with my boots laced properly, white laces and no understanding of what that meant. We won't get into that whole discussion, but know that I didn’t understand, neither did he really, and when we both knew better we did better. 

My next vivid memory of him is in my Grade 10 music class. He had made it through to Grade 12 without an art credit, and so he needed one to graduate. I played the cello, and he decided to learn the bass. I remember him sitting behind me in orchestra, and wearing a dress one day. I remember him referring to it as my "jam-jar" dress because of the lace around the top edge. I was hugely embarrassed at the time , and being confused as to why I really cared what he thought. A month later he asked me to wear it again, and I did.

About a month after that we went to a concert as part of our live music appreciation requirement for our class. The teacher was a little concerned about the two of us going, she saw something that I didn't, I suppose.

My dad drove us, and J tried to convince me to skip out on it to go hang out, but ultimately I talked him into going to the show. I stood in front of him and danced with him, and realized I had his attention, yet again when I felt his hand slide around my waist. As my dad drove us home, with me in the back seat, I felt him slide his hand back from the front seat and wrap it around my ankle.

A few weeks later, just before my sixteenth birthday we hung out at his place. While I was getting ready to go over, I busted out a matching set of lingerie that I still can’t explain owning, the most "grown up" thing I could think of, knowing I was in over my head. I recall that he said he thought I would look fantastic in his jeans. He is 6'5" and about 225lbs or so. At the time, I was 5'10" and about 130 lbs. I put them on just for shits and giggles, and I absolutely swam in them. I threw on his belt as well and realized that the lace on my spankies was showing over top of the denim from the jeans. So did he. A little later that evening he kissed me for the first time.

We never slept together in high school. We never even dated, but if you ask him what he remembers, he'll tell you that there was a day that he walked up to me in the hall, picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he kissed me. When he tells you this he'll get a look on his face and he'll tell you that he thought we would be like that forever. If you ask him, he'll tell you that he thought he would be waking up next to me for the rest of his life.

But there came a day, he went to kiss me in front of a teacher, and me, being the girl I was, I turned my head. In that moment, if you ask him, he'll tell you that his heart broke because he knew that the timing wasn't any good. I was still too young, and cared too much what people thought. I didn't know it at the time, but starting in that moment, he slipped away.

I didn't know I was missing a chance, I didn't know that there was a chance to be missed. The age difference had escaped my radar, and the next fall when I came back to school, he was gone.

I saw him one day, about five years later, in a Tim Horton's in our home town. He didn't even say hello. He looked at me and I saw a sadness cross his face. I didn't know how or where to start, so I just gave him half a smile and walked away.

It was a few weeks later, he added me to Facebook, and eventually after that he messaged me, and suddenly we were talking again like no time had elapsed, he was back in my world and I back in his. We were texting throughout the day, every day, talking at night, and in nearly constant contact. I moved to Thunder Bay, and then back to Oshawa. A year passed and we were still texting and talking constantly, but we never talked about his girlfriend, or whether he had one even. It just never came up.

We agreed to meet up one night when we were both up in our home town. It was quite late, about 11 p.m. I drove past his parents house and picked him up. He opened the car door and he looked happier than I had ever imagined he could. He got in the car and said, "Hello love, it's been too long."

And that was the beginning of the end...

Gym Etiquette

I forgot how great the gym feels, I really did. I can't believe I've been away this long and I'm so grateful that my foot has finally healed because I put some serious miles on the treadmill and elliptical today. I'm more relaxed than I have been in weeks.

I also forgot how ignorant people are at the gym.

I joined Extreme Fitness and because I'm on a corporate membership, I'm lucky enough to have an all access pass to all of their local facilities. So, since I'm working from home this week, I thought what the hell, and stopped in at the Pickering location. I walked in, got hassled about my North York membership, until I convinced them to just scan the card, and they saw that I should be there, but the kid was doing his job, so it's not really an issue.

After getting changed, and finding my bearings in the place, I happily located what I assumed to be the cardio area. I walked up on the platform, took a quick inventory and realized that the only thing available up there was a bike, which isn't really my thing, so I wandered off to have a little better look around and see if I could find the actual cardio studio. I went up a flight of stairs and BINGO! It was cardio heaven.

*Please note: I like to change cardio equipment a few times during my workout, because I get easily bored*

I hopped on an elliptical, did about 5 minutes and then realized that the woman next to me had the squeaky machine. There's always one. Ugh, fine. I turned up my headphones and carried on, and after she finished 10 minutes, she left, allowing me to enjoy another 15 minutes or so in peace.

GYM PEEVE #1:

She didn't wipe down the machine.

WHAT?!?!

I don't know about you, but I, personally, find that a little gross. Lady, you were just sweating all over that machine, there are droplets on the display, take the 20 seconds and sanitize that beast.

I finished my 30 minutes on the elliptical, and moved on, after the requisite wipe down of my equipment, to these fun new machines that they have that are sort of like skating.

GYM PEEVE #2:

When something is out of order, please tell the staff so that they can put a pretty little "out of order" sign on it. Us mere mortals don't have the power of the mechanical mind meld and as such, we are not able to look into that little computer brain and figure out what's wrong.

So, I ended up giving up on those, tipped off the trainer who immediately put on the sign and scampered off to the treadmill.

GYM PEEVE #3:

When the place is packed, please, Please, PLEASE do not just stand on the treadmill next to your friend while you're waiting for her to finish her lap. I would like to keep my heart rate up and so would the thousand other people around me, and your monopolizing the machine as your personal soap box while you rant about daytime drama on your favorite soap is just ignorant.

Finally, I get a treadmill, and I get to run! Oh, do I ever love a good run. I knock out about 45 minutes on the treadmill, and as the gym is quieting down, the treadmills on either side of me open up, and two guys, who are clearly friends, pick them up. I don't mind the eye candy, so I smile, and nod, but I also offer to switch treadmills so they can work out beside eachother. They decline, and I keep running.

GYM PEEVE #4:

I'm trying to work out. I have offered to switch treadmills with you, you declined, so please, have the courtesy to not shout across my treadmill, directly into my ear at your friend through the whole 20 minutes that you're beside me. I like to focus while I run, and you're killing my runner's high. Screw off.

After I finish up my time on the treadmill, I head over to the bikes to cool down, and am feeling pretty good. I was greatful as I got there that someone was leving though!

GYM PEEVE #5:

I know that we're all at the gym to get a little sweaty, but for the love of God, if you have been eating nothing but garlic or anything else that will seep out your pores could you please bust out a little body spray or something? Strong smells in the gym are bad, but strong body odor is worse, so do something about it.

Anyhow, I'm sure everyone has their own things that annoy them at the gym, these are just a few of mine, but they're mostly common courtesy stuff. I still felt great after my workout, so it must not have bothered me that much but I think I'll stick to the North York location where people seemed a little more civilized. Off to see the trainer tomorrow @ 5, can't wait!


 

So this is what they call a date…

I went on a lunch date yesterday, and I use the term loosely.

We met up at Yonge & Bloor subway station and after a game of phone tag to try and locate each other we walked around the underground mall there. I had never been there before so that was cool, but he kept saying he had no idea where we were. This should have been my first clue, as most malls are built in giant squares, as is this one. There is no real concern about getting lost, because it all comes back around.

Next we went outside, and headed off to find the Chapters, but he insisted that we were heading south, when really we were heading north. I don't really mind since I like to walk, and it wasn't that cold out so we walked north on Yonge for about 20 minutes. Just as I'm starting to get cold he suggested that we go into the Quail and Firkin for a beer, and I'm happy for the heat, so I agree.

At this point everything is still good, he's trying to discuss religion and faith, which is one of the three things that I was taught never to discuss. (Religion, Money, Politics) I figure I'm a big girl and can hold my own, so I let him go on, slide in a point or two and then change the subject. We sit down and he looks at the menu for about 10 minutes and then announces that nothing on the menu is catching his eye, but to go ahead if I want something. Obviously I'm not going to eat if he's not going to, so when the waitress comes back around, I assume that he will order a drink, but he says he's still deciding.

Weird, but okay.

After about another 10 minutes and the poor waitress coming around twice, I say to him, "You wanted a beer, right?" Finally, he orders a beer and I order a drink and we, and drink them, talking, a few awkward lulls in the conversation but we're virtual strangers so that's to be expected, and we seemed to be getting along fairly well. The bill arrives after we decline a second drink, or rather he declines for us.

Now here's where it gets weird.

He grabs the bill, and says, "I think I have $10 on me," and proceeds to rifle through his wallet.

He really only has $10 on him, I can see this because he's all but dumping his wallet on the table to pull out two $5 bills.

I offered to pick up the cheque, because I can see that it's $11.50, he has only $10, and I really don't mind picking up the bill, I'm going to offer at least and wouldn't be offended if he had accepted.

He says no, and asks if I have a twoonie.

…

I say, "I have a five."

He says, "No, just a twoonie."

I give in and pull out a twoonie and hand it to him and cringe internally because I know that he's only leaving the poor waitress a $0.50 'tip' but he won't let me leave the $5 bill,.

We walk back south on Yonge St, we get to the first subway station and I suggested we just ride north from there and then change trains at Bloor because it's cold out and I figure we'll save some time, he looks at me and says "Oh, I don't have change."

I assume that he means that he's thinking "I have a Metropass and I'm not sure whether you have tokens or what, so I'll wait till we get to Bloor and then we'll figure it out or it'll give me a way to make an escape."

Fine, I like walking, so I continue walking up to Yonge & Bloor station. We head back into the mall there and he announces he "has to pee" and asks if I know where the washroom is, so I go with him to the food court, I wait and we walk back to the subway. I find the token machine, because I need to pick some up for work anyways, and I buy some tokens. He stood behind me being shifty awkward while I did that.

Fine. Whatever.

And then, he looks at me as I'm about to walk through the gate and says, "Can I bum a token?"

Um, okay.

He then says, "I was planning on coffee, this is really embarrassing."

WHAT?!?

At this point, internally I'm peaking, but I'm not going to leave the boy standing at the gate so I hand him a token, and head down to the subway. He follows like a lost puppy and asks if I'm going east or west.

Me: East.

Him: My place is west.

Me: I'm still going east.

Him: Oh, okay. Well, it's been interesting.

Me: Yup, well, here's my train. Catch you later!

Who goes out on a date with $10 total in their pocket?

Who suggests a date knowing he's strapped for cash?

Who budgets for a coffee date and then suggests beer?

Who won't let the girl just pick up the tab when she offers?

Who "bum's a token"?

I just don't get it.

Leap of Faith

A Leap of Faith: An act or instance of accepting or trusting in something that cannot be readily seen or proven (dictionary.com)

Now, we're not discussing a leap of faith involving huge financial risk, or those that risk of life or limb.

For some people, taking a leap of faith is like rolling out of bed in the morning, it just happens naturally. These people have faith in humanity, faith in people's intention, and faith in their ability to recover from a disappointment if their leap of faith does not work out in their favour.

For others, a leap of faith is an exceptionally hard thing to commit to. They either can't accept the disappointment, have lost faith in people, or just don't want to take the chance.

At some point in your life you'll have to decide whether or not to take a leap of faith. You may not know it at the time and the moment might pass you by without you realizing the opportunity to take one, or you may decide to avoid it, but the problem with that decision is the missed opportunities, chances to really know people, to experience something new, or to find something out about yourself.

I think it really comes down to this:

To avoid a leap of faith is to do so out of fear of consequence. You gain nothing and lose what could have been an amazing opportunity.

To take a leap of faith is an act of good will. You risk little more than a bruised ego, and you have the opportunity to gain everything, and to greatly enrich your life.

So take a deep breath, decide if you're man, or mouse, and then jump.

New Year's Resolution ~ Dealing with returning home

It's funny, when I left for the UK I had read about post-vacation depression but I blew it off as one of those "not going to happen to me" things. Wrong!

Every traveller has a different name for the fallout of a great trip, so let me explain what it is.

Basically, post-vacation depression occurs when you go to a different city, country, or continent and experience a way of life that is completely different from your own. You see new sights, taste new foods and meet new people, essentially you experience this great little thing called culture.

And then you come back home.

The people are the same as you left, the city is the same, you go back to eating the same things you always did and hanging out at the same old haunts.

Home is nice, but you didn't realize how bright and sparkly the world could be until you were seeing something new for the first time in years.

I'll give you an example.

Remember when you got your driver's licence? Think about that first month. You were free! It was like being four years old again, when you got to see everything for the first time, and under your own power no less! Suddenly, riding in the back seat of your parent's car wasn't good enough anymore, you wanted to drive and anything less was a letdown.

Toronto, and my life here, suddenly feel like riding in the back seat.

I've barely travelled, eighteen days is not a long time to be out of Canada, but since I've gotten home everything just seems a little bit bland. Part of this is my own frustration that I came back to find it too cold and snowy to spend endless days wandering the city discovering new things, and laziness in pursuing adventures beyond my experience in Toronto.

This becomes a problem when I intend to continue travelling, I can't mope every time I come home, because that defeats this whole extraordinary life that I'm trying to live.

My solution to this situation basically is this:

I need to find awe and wonder in Toronto. I used to love this city. It used to make me feel alive, and I need to recapture that. I want to get lost in the city, to find something that I've never seen, to explore and be scared and try something new.

So, that's the goal. No weight loss resolutions here, I'm going to re-discover the city in which I live. I'm going to explore, adventure and enjoy Toronto between the many trips I intend to take in the next year.

If you want to join me, let me know.

Things I learned on the road...

So, after a few days to recuperate from my trip, I thought I would discuss some of the lessons I learned along the way.

1. Be flexible - Plans will change, flights will be delayed or missed, you'll meet people and want to stay an extra day somewhere. Develop the ability to just roll with it.
   
2. Book flights in advance - Flights are more expensive at the last minute through discount airlines like Ryanair, BMI and Aerlingus so if you want to book a cheap flight, do it in advance.
3. Book all other travel once you're at you destination - The Internet is a great resource, but it is not the be-all, end-all of travel information. A lot of the time you will be able to find cheaper transport by asking around, booking through the offices at the train station, etc. The people there are probably used to backpackers and are more than willing to help you out if you are willing to smile, be patient, and say thank you.
   
4. Do not take the night bus - A baby will cry all night, the person sitting beside you will snore or want to chat with you, the bus will be cold or break down. On the up-side, the night bus is usually cheap.
5. If you ARE taking the night bus pack earplugs and take a sedative - You will also want to book an extra day at your destination because you will lose at least one day to "bus-lag."
6. Trains are usually comparably priced to buses - For the couple of dollars difference, if you can afford it, take the train. It is much more comfortable, faster, and they don't hassle you about your luggage. If you can carry it onto the train under your own power, you can bring it. Buses sometimes have baggage limits.
7. Trust the hostel reviews online - This does not mean you are bound to only staying at hostels with 90% ratings, but when places are described as damp, dirty or cold you should probably at least take that into consideration. Location is not everything, so if you're on a tight budget, take a hostel with a less central location rather than damp, dirty or cold.
8. Hostel chains are a totally different experience than privately run hostels - Chains will generally be more organized, checkout times will be firm, they will have luggage store and usually free guided tours, pub crawls and recommendations for what to see and do. Privately run hostels are generally trying to build a reputation and are very eager to please, but because you're generally paying less, expect a little less in terms of amenities. I spent about half my time at each type and have likes and dislikes for both.
9. You are not required to see everything that everyone recommends - See what is going to make you happy, see family if there is any in the area, and catch a few of the major sites. It's your trip, so do it your way.
10. Do not book certain things into certain days unless an exhibit is closing - You will, without a doubt, meet some fellow travellers who want to hook up and see certain things and you might want to tag along. That's part of the experience, so do it. The London Tower has been there for a long time, it can wait until tomorrow, but your new friends might be moving on to another city tomorrow.
    
11. Pub crawls and having a few drinks is fun - flying, riding a train or bus, however, is not fun with a hangover, so keep that in mind. Also, different countries have different alcohol contents in their drinks, so the beer may be stronger or weaker than you are used to. I noticed in England, liquor is served in 35ml shots rather than 27ml shots at home. It doesn't sound like much but after a few drinks that adds up rather quickly. Keep that in mind.
    
12. Take lots of pictures - This means bring lots of batteries, and a few extra memory cards. They are generally expensive on location, and you don't want to run out just as you see the most amazing ________ ever. Also, always take photos at the highest quality your camera can produce. I would rather have 1000 excellent pictures than 10,000 pictures that can never be turned into prints.
    
13. Post some photos to a website while you're away - This lets everyone know that you're still alive, what sites you're seeing and that you're enjoying yourself. Some people like Facebook, but keep in mind that they then hold the rights to your photos and the quality will be greatly reduced.
14. Remember to eat reasonably - Yes, you're on vacation or backpacking or whatever. Yes there is lots of new food to try. This does not mean that you shouldn't eat a vegetable every now and again.
    
15. Some tours are worth going on - If you want to see a remote area and you have a limited amount of time, or if you're not sure how to get there, ask at the hostel. If they recommend a tour rather than trying to get out there on your own, there is a reason. Take the tour.
    
16. Not all tours are worth going on - If you are at a museum, site, in a castle, etc, it may be in your best interest to get the audio guide, or the book, rather than hooking up with a tour. You get to see the things you want to see, get some information, and if you want to stop and take photos etc then you won't have a thousand other people in your way.
    
17. It is cheap to travel once you are outside of North America - So book a longer trip than you normally would because once you're there you are not going to want to come home after 10 days.
    

That's all I've got time for just now but I'll update later.