I am moving, have moved, and am trying to move on all in the same breath.
For the last two years I have lived with a couple of amazing, challenging people, who have loved me despite all my struggle, and now the time has come to get my own space. While they may disagree, these last two years have been the best, hardest, fastest and slowest of my life. It has been a break to enjoy lower rent, shared expenses and companionship of friends, but also hard to live with roommates, especially ones with the history we have had.
Roommates, love, friendship and hurt feelings make it complicated. I’m sad to move out but feel it is honestly the best thing for all of us. I’m sad because the distance between us that was once so small, now feels like a massive chasm. I don’t know how we’ll come out the other side of it. I don’t know if we’ll find our way back to being friends, to standing by each other through thick and thin, to being over to each other’s house for dinners. I don’t know a lot right now.
I haven’t blogged in the time I have lived there. I haven’t shared the experience because while I was standing in it I had a truly hard time putting the experience in words.
There are a thousand regrets that I have, a thousand different choices I would make differently, and a thousand things I would do the same in a heartbeat. I have done a lot of learning and growing. I have done a lot of figuring out who I am, and all that means. I have a lot of strengths and a lot of weaknesses, but I’ve come out of this infinitely more self aware.
I doubt that they’ll read this, but I hope they know how much I appreciate them, how much I will miss living with them, and how much I hope that we come out of this better than before. I hope we find our way back, because whether they believe it or not, I do miss them.
With hope for the future, and all it brings,
K
