You're going to have to forgive me for my philosophical musings today. I woke up this morning and did yoga and it always puts me in a reflective state of mind.
I come from a family that I always considered to have a patriarchal structure while I was growing up, I had a great grandfather who everyone looked up to and went to for guidance. We all had and have a great deal of respect for him, and considered him to have set the bar to which we all should rise.
Time passed, and he got very ill with Parkinson’s. Let me be the first to say that Parkinson’s is a dreadful disease, because it claims the body long before it takes the mind. It is a hard thing to watch, especially in a man who we all head in such high esteem. A little over five years ago, he passed away and suddenly Nana and Grumpy became just Nana.
There have been a lot of things that have happened in the family that I'm grateful that he wasn't here to see, but there are also things that I think would have made him proud. I think he would have been pleased to see the women of my family suddenly rise to the occasion and take the reins of the family. I don't think he foresaw it, but I think it would have made him every bit as proud of us as we always were of him.
A great example of this is my mom. I always had a lot of respect for her, even if we didn't see eye to eye when I was growing up. It took us a lot of years to find our common ground, and mostly it involved a whole lot of me realizing just how much alike we are. When I was younger, people would say to me "you certainly are your mother's daughter" and I would be absolutely gobsmacked. I would protest, and say that I wasn't the home making, housekeeping, two kids and a farm kind of girl. Boy oh boy, was I ever wrong.
She and I coming to common ground also involved a fair amount of her acknowledging that I am bound and determined to do just about everything the hard way, and that I need to learn my own lessons, and see the world through my own eyes. It's how I learn. It isn't a choice. Things got a lot better for her and I around the time that she realized that telling me something was hot wasn't going to be nearly as effective as just letting me touch it.
Now that I'm a little older and have more perspective on the situation, I also see how much leadership she takes with our family. She is the first to make sure that my grandparents get everything they need, and provides a level headed sounding board for them on a fairly broad spectrum of issues, as she does for her sisters and children. I also see how much our relationship has impacted how she interacts with other members of our family. As it turns out, I'm not the only one who needs to make their own mistakes. As I watch her in her role with other family members, I see her let them fall every now and again, when she sees that it will be a more effective lesson. I don't know whether she does it consciously, or whether it has become part of her instinct, but it amazes me. Sometimes it takes so much more strength to let someone make mistakes than it does to try to protect them from everything.
I am starting to see more and more how very like her I am. I really am my mother’s daughter, no matter how big of shoes I have to fill. I see the world from a similar perspective. I live a very different life than she does, but the older I get, the more I aspire to have the same kind of respect from the people around me, and to have a similar kind of life. While I don’t want to work the same job, and I hope to get there my own way, I hope that I can be as happy.
It is astounding to me that in the transition from patriarchal to matriarchal; suddenly my mother stepped up to the helm. It was unexpected, at least to me, but I feel truly blessed to have such a fantastic role model and mother. I really believe that Grumpy would have been just as proud as we all are.
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