If you spend enough time with someone...

... eventually the conversations get really interesting.

The people you spend a lot of time with in any given moment will eventually start to ask you some really mind blowing questions.

We all do it. We ask each other the questions that we think the other person should be asking them self. We do it because it helps us understand, and because the ensuing conversations are usually very revealing. Obviously, I've just had a few interesting ones asked, otherwise I wouldn't be writing.

E just asked me if I picture my life with a women, or just sex.

At first, my response was really clear.  I picture my life with a woman.

Let's just sit with that for a second. I'll say it again.

I picture my life with a woman.

...

Okay. Ready now? Good. It took me a second to grasp that one too.

Ready for the part that will really take you some time to wrap your brain around?

I always pictured my life with another woman.  I pictured a house, a girl, a dog and maybe a kid or two, and it didn't for one second register with me that I wasn't picturing a guy.

I'll give you another second with that.

It never occurred to me that I wasn't picturing my life with a guy.  I saw what I was picturing as so normal that it didn't warrant me sitting up and taking notice. It was just a subconscious thing that I've always thought about, without thinking about. 

Do you need just one more second? I needed a few.

E and I are texting back and forth today, just chatting and she's trying to figure out where I'm at on things. She is asking me questions to make me think about where I am at and challenge my thinking, and there it is.

I never, not for one second, pictured my life as settled down with a guy. I was engaged to and lived with a guy for several years, and never once did I think that he and I would be together forever. I didn't see him as the love of my life, and didn't ever expect that we would truly settle down.

Apparently, for my whole life I have pictured myself not with a guy, but with a very tom-boy type of girl.

E's response? "Talk about an eye opener."

Point taken.